Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
