The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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