So drunk, too bad you don't want this
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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