Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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