meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
