This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
