she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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