dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
