What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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