Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
