Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
