When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
