Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
