Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
