Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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