im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
