it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
