she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
