Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
