the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
