So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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