Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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