she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
