Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
