there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
