She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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