Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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