pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
