he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
