i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
