Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
