Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
