conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
