i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
