Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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