i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
