im drinking this country out of the recession.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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