if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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