Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
