Welp...herpes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
