whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
