I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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