I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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