she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
