You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
