Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize