he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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