two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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