Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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