Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
