Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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