I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
