I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
