He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
