Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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