mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
