i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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