Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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