did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
