i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
