I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
