And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
